|
Growing up, Giving up
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I thought I had it all figured out. I thought wrong. What happens now? Where do I go from here? I'm not saying I'm not glad I'm done with school, but Time was so cruel to pass by so quick I did not even have the time to figure out what am I supposed to do now that school's over. Suddenly, school's just over. I don't know how to make big decisions. I never make big decisions. The last time I did, I-shall-not-talk-about-it-let's-skip-this-part but Papa fixed it, no I did not fix anything. I'm so used to having Papa telling me where to go after this, after that, and all I did was just follow. I'm never the one determinining how something should be done, even when it comes to Zainee. So how? Do I continue my studies? Do I work? Do I do nothing? Or even anything even? I secretly wish Papa will say,"Olin, here you go. Apply for this university, it's very good. I pay" Or for Zainee to say, "You stay home, let me work" FINE I get it, I have to work I need to work but nonetheless, feed me will you! Tell me stuffs like "I got you the job" something, anything. Show me a sign, a lil speck of light, I promise I'll see it this time but you gotta guide me there. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. Both my man just left me hanging. Aimless & lost :'( With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 5:12 PM
Some things you just don't question
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The day you read this Good morning, Good people :) I'm curled up like a ball in Zainee's tanktop and buried under my blankets SMILINGGGGGGGGG. Smiling because for the first time in my life, I spent alot of my money not on myself HAHAHA but on people I love. Smiling because Zainee's a schoolboy now. Smiling because I can smell Mama cooking kway teow! Yknow how sometimes you work so hard for something and nothing turns out right and when you finally give up, things just start falling into place. I'm not saying giving up is good, but I think when it comes to this you just have to let it happen naturally and all by itself. & that's when you start to learn that most of the time, no all the time in fact, it's all really up to God. With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 7:57 AM
Operationally Ready Something-that-starts-with-D
Monday, January 24, 2011
 Hello Cool iPhone AppLook how far we've come. Zainee has finally lifted the weight of NS off his back and so have I. My boyfriend's a free man now, and he has his Pink IC. Alhamdulillah, it was not easy hell no it wasn't but everytime when we're at the brink of giving up we always think of all the good times we've had and it does help conquer everything else, doesn't it? Remember the time you enlisted and I tried my best to hold back my tears and still cried anyway Remember the 5am good morning messages Remember all the nights out and how we'd still never fail to meet even if it meant just 2 hours Remember Brunei Remember Taiwan Remember National Day Parade 2009 and all the weekends burnt Remember missing your 20th Birthday & my 18th Birthday Remember counting down to 2010 on the phone because you were at SAFTI Remember you leaving on the 5th day of Hari Raya Remember IPPT gold and marksmen Remember booking in/booking out Remember your first outfield, I cried and cried because I was so scared you won't come back Remember your classic NS phone with awesome flashlight Remember the times I stayed up all night with you to accompany you otp while you had guard duty Remember the accident you had when you were about to meet me from camp Remember bus 67 and how I'd fetch you every book out back when you had no bike Remember SAFTI at Jurong and I came down with food even if it meant only seeing you for 15 minutes Remember the last month of NS and how everyday you had reherseal parade Remember your ORD function and how I managed to spot you first in the crowd Remember the last day of NS and how you came by my place immediately after Remember the whole 2 years we've conquered <3 Who would have thought 2 years ago, I was sending you to Camp tears welling up in my eyes and my heart just kept telling me I won't survive, we won't survive. 2 years later, look where we are. Nobody said it was going to be easy but still, we managed didn't we.  ORD PARADE! One down, and many many more to go :) The couple who wore gortex (correct me if i'm wrong) and mine was knee-length and we don't give a damn because you look just as stupid as me and so did I.  Taiwan! Which was during my attachment and my 18th Birthday and I cried and cried and cried and cried because I missed you so much A day before you enlisted, I made sure I had gazillion pictures of you so I don't end up missing you too much. But I still did.With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 5:13 PM
& it'll steal all your innocence
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
  Imma wallow myself in self pity because everyone's asleep and reflect on things I should not have done but have and things I should have done but didn't. I hate how my sentences will run so long everytime I start thinking too much. No, I'm not sad. I just think it's the(my) time of the year where you take time to do some self-reflecton and try your best to undo the bad. Which, most of the time, you can't. I really wanted to end this post happy. I am happy, I know this. The reason I'm like this is because I'm happy. Everyone's pleasing me but I'm pleasing nobody. People have to stop being nice to me. Zaini has to stop pampering me all the time. Papa has to stop giving me all the money. Mama has to learn to scold me sometimes. Ernie should stop always looking out for me. Siti should stop being so generous with her hugs and kisses. My friends should stop letting me blatantly speak my mind all the time. I'm selfish. I've been a very very selfish girl. I hate being selfish. I want to die and go to heaven. I hope heaven wants me. Hello. My name is Nur Edlin Effendi & I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission to start giving Love and not just keep taking Love. Please, will you help me :'( With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 12:23 AM
So, It goes on
Thursday, October 7, 2010
 Telling the truth isn't always good, but lying isn't always bad. If telling the truth makes someone feel bad, lying can be good. Good things can come from lying, bad things from the truth...although sometimes telling part of the truth is the same thing as telling a lie. - Chasing Liberty With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 12:54 PM
Seriously, don't bother reading
Nobody's asking me to be so transparent & I'm not obliged to write everything on this space. But I shall... (cause I'm cool like that) - I'VE FINALLY COMPLETED MY 6 MONTHS ATTACHMENT. & Truth be told, I do not like the Hotel line. I love the people, I love the environment but I cannot stand the hours for nuts. & most of the time, our weekends are burnt. - I'm having a 2 and a half months holidays, fucking awesome. I don't want to work, yes I still haven't come to my senses yet. So I sit home and bum. Sleep, something I'm very good at. - I'm left with 4 freaking awesome months of school ! I'm so excited and happy, I think. Kayz, this is getting extremely boring and aimless. All you gotta know is my life hasn't change much, really, I'm still with Zaini, alhamdulillah. Siti still eats alot and refuses to study. Nobody I know became President. Oh, a really good news would be Alhamdulillah My mum's going to perform her pilgrimage :) With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 11:15 AM
It's been awhile
Sunday, September 19, 2010
 Either I'm busy or just plain lazy. Most of the time, it's lazy. -DRUMROLLS- But tonight, is the night. I got my finger muscles to do some stretching and I'm all good to post a proper entry. Ooops I strained my muscle. TILL NEXT TIME, ADIOS ! With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 10:20 PM
My Beautiful Surprise
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
 All it took was just, "Baby!" & Whoopedoo! I am a Happy Kiddo <3 With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 9:01 PM
For the whole world to see
As I was just about to type out all the text messages I've received for the past few days, I received an email. It isn't an important email, at all. But important enough to change my decisions of what to post today. Initially, I might have wanted to fight fire with fire. To let the whole world see the truth behind all the lies. What you think you know is not what you really know, and you might think you know but you really you don't. What I wanted to do was simply to bash my keyboard with all the text messages I've received and replied and probably drop a tear or two with hot air steaming out my ears, but I didn't. Today's Contemplation When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. -- The 14th Dalai Lama It isn't powerful enough and it might not even apply to the context, but it is enough to change my mind. To shut my eyes, whisper a prayer and forgive. May you be blessed with eternal happiness and everlasing love towards each other. What sets you apart from me is nothing, so why do what you do and say what you say? I'm happy, and so are you. You are happy, aren't you? With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 9:18 AM
Damaged at best
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
It's like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you're happy, too. - Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of being a Wallflower. In simple terms, I miss you so much Muhammad Ruzaini :'( & if you choose to not come home soon, I'll soon evaporate away. With love, Nur Edlin Effendi at 10:57 AM
|
